I decided to take some advice from the book Decisions, Decisions. This book says that we often make decisions in avoidance of what we don't want instead of in the direction of what we do want. For example, we decide not to join a gym because we don't want to pay the money, look silly in front of others , or fail to meet our fitness goals. Instead, we should think of what we do want (to be healthier) and make a decision towards that (join the gym). I started Community College four years ago, because I needed a new direction and a goal to work on. After four years, I realized that I didn't feel the "match and fit" in the career I was pursuing. By "match and fit", I mean the feeling you get when you know you are in the career or on the right path. You may remember me complaining that I felt like I was on the wrong bus. Well, I left that career path and managed to stop the bus. While scary, I feel like it was the right decision for me. I don't feel panicked or stuck anymore.
However, now that I have hopped off the bus, I'm not sure where I am. Please imagine me staring a faded public transit map in the middle of nowhere. Maybe a tumbleweed passes by. I don't know, it's your imagination. So now, while I'm not headed the wrong way anymore, I'm not sure which direction I'm supposed to be headed, or what bus, train, or dirigible I'm supposed to hop on to get there.
I began contemplating grad school today. I know, how very late-20's of me, right? Still, I felt like it was decision in the direction of what I want--mainly, all theatre, all the time! Then, there come the creeping doubts. How long will it take? How much will it cost? What if I can't get a teaching job when I done? What if I end up on the wrong bus again? Or back at this depot with my faded map and my tumbleweed?
If someone knows where I am and would like to give me a ride to where I'm going, I'd sure appreciate it.
"A musician must make his music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to ultimately be at peace with himself."
- Abraham Maslow
