Wow, have I been slacking. I have to say, this past week has been rotten on all fronts. I haven't blogged, I've given into distructive thoughts and actions, I haven't cleaned or been mindful, and I just snapped at the security guard for asking to see my student ID before five ("Yo' enterin from the right side of the building." Take note: Terrorist only enter the school from the left side of building after 5:00PM, but they have no such time constraints on the right side of the building).
Up until this past week, I was feeling confident that my personal "happiness project" was working. I won't let this week's set back deter me, but I would like to discuss what put me in this particular funk.
In Rubin's book, she says that to be happy one must "feel right in an environment of growth". She was referring to how when she was a lawyer, she didn't feel right, so she switched to being a writer. Now, she loves her job and feels right doing it. Well, la-tee-da for her, I say. I was a freelance actor for three years before I took my current job. There were several times I felt "right": my internships in Vermont, my apprenticeships in Philadelphia, rehearsing for tour, etc. In fact, theatre is often the very place I DO feel right: the musty smell of the backstage, the sawdust fromt he shop, the blue light that surrounds you while you're waiting in the wings, I could go on for days. However, there was a lot else connected with being an actor that felt, well, wrong: lack of health insurance, living below the poverty line, constant rejection, the cost of the business (head shots, bus rides, audition outfits, agent fees) Here is a list of side jobs I had to have to make ends meet.
1. Caterer to the stars (George Bush Sr. and the 2008-2009 Phillies. Ya know, when they were good).
2. Promo Model (Would you like a Miller High Life? No? Are you sure? But it's the champagne of beers? How about thie Leunenkeugel that tastes like fruity pebbles?)
3. Theatre Instructor (this one I actually like, aside for the early Saturday mornings of course. And the inner city schools where I was less of a teacher and more of a warden)
4. Hanna Montana impersonator (It was exactly as bad as you think it was)
5. Kids Gym Instructor (This one wasn't so bad either, except for all those sticky, snotty baby hands)
6. Box Office employee (I liked working for the theatre, but had to give it up for tour)
7. Nanny (to the stars! I like to end most of my jobs with "to the stars!")
8. Chart House Hostess (I maybe lasted two weeks there)
9. Philadelphia Chocolate Tour Guide (How I didn't get fat, I have no idea)
10. Server/Singer on the Spirit of Philadelphia (I'm on a boat! and it sucks!)
Some of these I did individually, but for the most part it was a combination of two-four of these things. And I STILL didn't make ends meet. So, Rubin, how is a single-lady supposed to feel "right" when she is working a ton of crappy jobs to support the thing she only gets to do MAYBE once a year? Rubin would be angry at me if I said that I was working to support school, and studying ASL to support theatre. She would say those are all distractions from my passion. Well, what has my passion done for me lately? What's the answer to that, Rubin? Grumpily yours, Kristen.
Simplicity :(
Energy :)
Slow down :/
Senses :(
No negative thoughts/actions :(
"Do what you love to do and give it your very best. Whether it's business or baseball, or the theater, or any field. If you don't love what you're doing and you can't give it your best, get out of it. Life is too short. You'll be an old man before you know it."~Al Lopez
Photo by: http://professionaldestiny.com/2009/09/
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